Rethinking Homeschooling as a Boy Becomes a Man

Eight grade is a transitional year for many students, Jackson included. So as I entered our 3rd year of homeschooling, I decided to shift my homeschooling focus from my lesson preparation to Jackson's new found wants and needs as a young man.  The majority of homeschooling lesson planning resources that I have encountered seek to ensure that I, as the teacher, am fully equipped with all the materials and tools that I need to present the best content, coupled with the most appropriate educational technique to meet the needs of my child.  And while this has worked wonderfully for Jackson's 6th and 7th grade years, I was feeling a longing for a simpler and more student focused approach.  I felt a lot of stress regarding my readiness and teaching aptitude - meaning that way too much of his success depended on my success as a teacher.  Not a good formula for an effective and peaceful school year!

So as the summer began to wind down, instead of ramping up as the teacher for the school year, I slipped on an attitude of a student and spent that time learning as much about Jackson as I could.  And what I discovered was that my little boy had turned into a man before my very eyes, and I needed to stop treating him like a child and respect the wants and needs of this young man. He needed more say in his daily educational experience.  He needed to feel more in charge of his body and mind.  In short, he needed more freedom, like all teenagers need as they begin the transition into adulthood.

We decided that his anxiety had become too overwhelming and was beginning to consume his daily life.  So we added a mild blood pressure medicine (Intuniv) that has helped tremendously with his angry outbursts and over reaction to stressful and confusing situations.  We also felt that as he stormed full steam into adolescents, he needed to spend more one-on-one time with his father.  So we added 30 minutes of weight lifting to his schedule - EVERY morning at 6:30, the 2 of them watch SportsCenter and lift free weights in our manly, but unfinished, gym space in the basement.  The combination of these 2 things alone, has been remarkable.  But his school-life had to also be adjusted to fall in line with his new wants and needs as a young, proud and confident man. 

So instead of a rigid daily schedule that stressed consistency and continuity of topics and activities, I decided to give him more autonomy over his courses.  We stuck with a loose outline of the day, but gave him a lot of options within that structure that looks something like this:

6:30-7:00  Weight Lifting with Dad

7:00          Make Coffee

7:30          Make Breakfast

8:00          Treadmill

8:20          Shower

9:00          Book on CD & Devotional

9:30          Starbucks & Shopping

10:30-12  Activities

12-1         Lunch

1-3           Activities

After we get back from our daily coffee run and shopping, which includes everything from the grocery store to the cleaners to Target, we begin going through the 5-7 activities that he chose that morning.  After following this schedule for a few months now, I have discovered that he has definite preferences. This has been very eye opening, and has helped me learn more about what he perceives his strength and weakness are. He loves:

1.  Cooking

2.  Baking

3.  Piano

4.  Science

5.  Puzzles

6.  Cards

7.  Social Studies

8.  Photography

9.  Chores

10. PE/Yoga

He is a cool mix of left and right brained strengths.  He is not "an autistic savant" in any one area (like every other TV special on autism likes to glamorize), but a nice, healthy mix of creativity and analytics. He grown in both physical and mental strength, as he can settle his body and mind much more effectively than ever before.  And while I would not go so far as to say he has mastered the art of self control (as I have not even achieved that feat yet), he has come a long way since the school year began.  I attribute his progress to our shift in perspective from how we want to parent/educate him, to how he needs to be parented/educated, as a new and growing young man, who one day might just surprise us all and be an independent and impactful man that this world could learn so much from.  

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My Most Honest Confession

Their faces say it all. What starts as judgemental stares quickly change to desperate concern as they watch Jackson go from angry and frustrated to full blown wild animal. The flash point is so intense that it scares people and while they move away, I have to charge in to try and rescue him from himself. It is heart breaking to see him suffer and in that moment onlookers can finally see his pain as I do.  I pull him close as he bites me, pulls my hair and scratches my face because he needs love to recover and heal and while it hurts me, it hurts him more to feel so out of control not knowing why his mind fails him when he needs it so desperately. My anger at autism quickly moves to anger at God as I struggle to understand why He doesn't charge in to help Jackson. 

Our One Year Homeschooling Experiment Take-Away

Now that our time as a true homeschool family is coming to a close, I have had more time to reflect on the ups and downs, victories and failures, and lessons learned.  With Caroline going back into public middle school this fall, our homeschool will once again, be just Jackson and me.  And while I love and miss our special one-on-one dynamic, there will be a huge hole in our hearts without her here, because the biggest take away I got from this year, regarding both my kids, is that quantity of time always trumps quality of time with children, especially adolescents.

A great analogy for this truth is the dreaded power outage.  I spent the past two days fretting over losing power during the latest derecho warnings in the D.C. area.  We lose power at the drop of a hat in our neighborhood, as it is filled with large, old trees and overhead power lines.  But as I reflect on the times we have lost power for extended periods (blizzards, hurricanes, tornadoes, Oh My!), there is always that sweet point where having no power frees everyone's mind and schedule to just sit and enjoy each other and slow down to reconnect.  That is what this year of homeschooling felt like to me...a prolonged sweet spot to reconnect with both Jackson and Caroline, and for them to reconnect with each other.

In this day and age, there is article after article about the need for quality time with your children.  Go on a "date" with your kids so they will feel special.  Carve out 20 minutes once a week to really discuss their feelings over an ice cream sundae.  Make their favorite meal to draw them out of their bedroom for some one-on-one time.  And while all of these are great ideas, that I have done in the past, and are sure to achieve some level of connection, what I discovered was that the most meaningful relational moments occur after spending 2 hours lounging on the couch reading or in the daily routine of running errands together.  These are the unsung moments where connection seems to organically sprout.  A comment about a sports star coming out as homosexual, naturally leads to a causal, but meaningful hour long dialog about gay marriage.  An eye roll over a friend's overly dramatic Instagram post while eating lunch together on the couch, spurs an afternoon spent discussing the parameters and pitfalls of social media in the 21st century, as well as how to manage our own emotions when we feel out of control.

For Jackson, these elongated moments of connection have occurred in a similarly authentic fashion. Before he was homeschooled, he could not bath or dress himself.  He relied on me for every daily need.  His development was hindered by his lack of independence and freedom.  His communication skills were limited to addressing his immediate needs only.  But after 2 years of quantity over quality of time together, our connection has transformed from caregiver/receiver to mother/son...which, to those of us in the autism community, we realize is a significant emotional milestone to be recognized and celebrated.

After spending a year getting to know Jackson and Caroline on a much deeper and more personal level,  I can honestly say that I really like them both.  Caroline is witty and charming, thoughtful and tender-hearted, fearless and ambitious, obedient and trustworthy.  Jackson is entertaining and endearing, hardworking and disciplined, strong and brave, affectionate and loving.  And while it was by no means all sunshine and roses, I hope and pray it was enough to lay a solid foundation for the inevitable rocky teenage years in our future. These special bonds were not created during the big splashy moments of childhood, but in the tedium and trenches of daily life that was spent together, arm in arm, during a year with "no power" other than each other, our books and our coffee shops!

Teenagers with Autism are Awesome!

So what have we been up to the past few months?  Not blogging apparently...  The addition of my 5th grade daughter to our homeschool day has made for very little writing time!  And thanks to my husband's Christmas gift of an Ikea chaise lounge for our bedroom, any down time I get, I find myself curled up on there with a cup of tea and a good book...this introverted mama needs some alone time after all:)

As spring desperatly tries to bloom here in Virginia, I find myself watching Jackson grow into a man before my very eyes.  He just turned 14 a few weeks ago and seems older and wiser with each passing day.  He is tall, strong, handsome and charming.  He is funny, gregarious, extroverted and friendly.  He is musical, athletic, comedic, and techy.  He is moody, loud, disruptive and angry.  He loves YouTube, Netflix, Sports Center and The Colbert Report.  He is 14 and acts more "neuro-typical" everyday...for better or worse.  

His academics are still a work in progress, with math success continuing to outpace language arts.  But he diligently does all the work asked of him and seeks my guidance and approval in all areas.  His mastery of geometry is fascinating to me as it was always such a weakness of mine growing up.  We will tackle fractions after spring break, grades 4-6 is our target level for this unit, and finding good materials is proving to be a challenge, too basic or too advanced seems to be the theme in my search so far.  

I have also really enjoyed our recent science & social studies units on the skeletal system and world geography.  As a professed map-geek myself, I've loved using an interactive globe to learn over 150 countries with him.  He is creating a World Fact Book as well, including a page per country with information such as capital, population, area, distance from United States, continent, flag, etc.  I also loved using the iPad games, Stack the Countries and Bone Scan Bob for these units.  We would love to travel with Jackson once Caroline goes off to college and use that time as a type of advanced degree for him.  

But the most essential and rewarding part of our winter homeschool season has been our community involvement.  Jackson is extremely social and outgoing.  He loves talking to people and trying to make them smile or laugh.  He can walk into a room full of strangers and have them all smiling by the time he leaves.  He has absolutely no inhibitions or awkwardness which makes he a natural charmer and motivational figure in our community.  He can work a room like a seasoned politician.  He randomly gets gifts from people who desperately want to give back to him, because he gives so much to them without even realizing it.  He is so generous with his joy and affections that people look to him for encouragement and rely on him for a "pick-me-up" on a regular basis.  "Where's my Jackson?" is a frequent question I get if I dare go somewhere without him these days.  I love the fact that so many people refer to him as "my Jackson".  There is a special ownership of him and pride in that relationship. 

So while he can drive me up the wall some days with his moodiness, I am thankful that I have a teenager who is making such a positive impact on his community that is not driven by forced volunteerism, adult manipulation for a reward, or college transcript bullet points.  I might not know where his place in the world is yet, but I feel more confident everyday that the world needs him a lot more than he needs the world! 

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Training Up Independent Learners: Autistic and Gifted Alike

I have two very different children that always seem to surprise me with how similar they are!

Today I gave my 11 yr old daughter only one assignment for the entire day...Make an iMovie about the North Korean rocket launch.  This event has meaning to her because she has shown an interest in this region and conflict since she was a little girl.  I remember checking out DVDs from the library when she was in 2nd grade about the Korean War and she has followed the Kim regime ever since.  She has similar fascinations with other countries like Peru, Saudi Arabia and Cuba.  I might have the future Secretary of State on my hands...she does love her some Condi Rice too:)

I sent her away at 9:30 with no instructions besides, "Make a 2-4 minute iMovie on the rocket launch." She sprawled out on my bed with the laptop, snacks and the dog, and at 2:30 she emerged with this:

She layed out her process for me afterwards which included:

1.  Internet research from:  Business Insider, Fox News, and CNN (all bookmarks on the laptop).
2.  Cornell note-taking
3.  Photo selection and editing
4.  Music selection and editing
5.  iMovie creation based on notes
6.  Final editing
7.  Laughing at mom because she had no idea how to do any of that herself!!

And while this project could have been a lot more intensive and in-depth from an informational stand-point,  I really wanted to see if she could independently move through this process without my constant direction and/or nagging.  I have been trying to transition her to a more independent learning environment that allows for her establish the time and tempo required to complete big projects.  I know this will be helpful once she hits middle school next year.

As for Jackson, I have tried creating a similar environment for him in regards to his life skills.  Less than 3 months ago, I was still micro-managing most of his daily activities to ensure he checked all the necessary boxes of personal hygiene, academic work, household chores, social activities and behavioral management.  But as he roars full steam into the teenage years, I have had to step back and give him a lot more independence than I am comfortable with, but know how critical it is that he take on these responsibilities himself.

I am completely out-of-the-loop on ALL personal care and hygiene issues and he has done a tremendous job!  He is the least smelly teenage boy I know, and very receptive to any changes or new introduction to his routine in this area.  So thankful for this!!  He also has no need for my assistance with any of his household chores.  He empties the dishwasher, carries in and puts away all the groceries, puts his dirty clothes in the laundry, takes out the trash, and starting this spring, will be mowing the lawn.  He will do any work you ask, as long as he knows what time you expect him to start work and for how long.  He is a human timer and has an expiration buzzer for sure - but will work hard when he understands the expectation and task.

Academically, since he has been watching Caroline, he has been asking me to leave him alone to do his work.  He occasionally asks for my help, especially in math, but does a great deal of work alone.  I usually supervise from afar or pretend to sweep near him so I can keep an eye on things, but he is wanting more freedom, which is terrific!  Socially and behaviorally, he has come so far, but still has a long journey ahead.  He recently tackled the good manners vs. bad manners issue with great success!  He is very proud of himself when he can be polite in public and have good manners when he is frustrated.  It is hard for me to do that, so I commend him for the effort!

Paul and I were joking that Jackson is the odd combination of autistic and extroverted, which makes for some pretty interesting social situations, but he is learning to shake hands, respond to questions and make better eye contact.  He wants to interact with a variety of people, and has varying levels of success, mainly based on how receptive the other person is to his unique communication skills.

In summary, I am being pushed WAY outside of my comfort zone with these 2 kids.  They are each growing and developing by leaps and bounds, and I feel left in the dust most days.  I am exhausted trying to stay ahead of them so I can prepare the way for the next milestone.  But at the end of the day, I just need to:

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Mid-Term Progress Report

After my first 6 weeks of homeschooling both Jackson (7th - Autism) and Caroline (5th - Gifted), I can honestly say that it was the best decision we have ever made for our family.  And while I clearly have no time to blog about it, there has been no shortage of monumental breakthroughs and good old-fashioned fun in our house...both of which we rarely experienced while they were in public schools.

As you scroll through the some of the photos I took on my phone, you get a great visual picture of the beginning our of school year - and by the looks of it, you might be concerned that we are having too much fun with too little learning!

All of these were taken during our "school day" which goes from 8:30-3:00ish.  We go on a lot of outings and spend a lot of our time outside doing experiments, reading, hiking, and wrestling apparently:)  When we are working inside, we have a mixed bag of learning styles, Jackson likes to be at the table with minimal sensory distractions, while Caroline prefers to snuggle up on the couch or sprawl out on the front lawn - to each their own as far as I'm concerned!  

I've been focusing on math with them both these past few weeks b/c they are both very strong in math, but have gaps in their knowledge.  I feel a bit like a painter who has to spackle before I can add a new layer of color.  As we enter late October, I finally feel like they are both ready to plow forward into new math concepts and challenges.  For Caroline, that is Algebra, and for Jackson, that is word problems.  Wish me luck with both of them:)

For those of you who wish I blogged more often, please check out my Twitter and Facebook pages, as I find posting on those takes 30 seconds vs. 30 minutes and I can handle that a lot better.  I post on Twitter daily, and Facebook weekly.

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Think Inclusive Guest Blog

I had a wonderful opportunity to write a guest blog for Think Inclusive this week!  I was asked to discuss the reasons why we decided to homeschool Jackson.  I loved the idea since I know most of the readers of this particular site are educators seeking information and support for special education inclusion.  Since I have already wrote about this topic on my blog, I decided to give the subject a twist and use an analogy to explain it!  For those of you who know me best, you'll appreciate my comparison of autism education to BigAgra business vs. local organic family farms.

Check out my post here: My Decision to Homeschool My Son With Autism

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Schedules, Schedules, Schedules

Many people have asked me how I plan to manage the needs of my two very differently-abled children this year.  Jackson needs a tremendous amount of structure and one-on-one teaching to maximize his learning potential, while Caroline needs more freedom and independence to spread her wings and push the boundaries of what she can accomplish.  That puts me in a tough spot...right in the middle!  My way to bridge the gap is to rely on a very unique scheduling system that allows for both the detail J needs, and the flexibility C craves.  Each form that I have shown has a link to a Goggle Document if you want to explore them in-depthly.

And it all starts with...

 Their very own clipboards, which Caroline so thoughtfully, and boldly, decorated for me yesterday:) 

Jackson's clipboard always has 2 pieces of paper on it: a Daily Schedule and a Daily Work sheet. The daily schedule is broken down in 15 min increments from 8am-8pm, with clear labels for each activity or subject.  The daily work sheet is a very detailed list of all the school activities for one day, down to the number of pages in each book. Since his audio-processing is so poor and he gets very anxious with the unknown, I have to make sure all my expectations are written down and that I give him adequate time to process the information.  The pictures below are the exact sheets I have on his board for the first day of school, Tuesday, Sept. 4th.

I plan on managing Caroline's work much differently.  One of the things I really want to teach her this year is how to organize her work and set timelines to complete assignments and projects on her own.  This will begin slowly and hopefully build to a very independent and self-guided approach to not only her school work, but her whole life.  I will sit down with her every Sunday evening to present her with her weekly work expectations. On her clipboard will be 3 pieces of paper: a Daily Schedule, a Weekly Work sheet, and a Weekly Progress Chart.  The daily schedule below is actually for Wednesday of this week, just to show you some variety from day to day.  Caroline's agenda is in the middle column.  You will notice her time is sectioned off much more vaguely with large chunks of time just labeled "work".  You can also look at the weekly work sheet, to see what things she needs to finish by the end of this 4 day week - with one of those days being a field trip to the Udvar-Hazy Museum.  We will have a meeting at 3pm every afternoon to review the work done that day and record it on her progress chart.  I am interested to see how she manages this new type of learning environment.  I have a feeling the first few weeks will be a bit rocky, but I am ready to guide her through the transition with patience and an understanding that this is a new approach for her as well and we both need time to adjust.  

For those of you who have either really good eyesight or clicked on the pdf version of the daily schedule, you'll notice that there is a 3rd column labeled "Mom".  I did this to ensure that both my children know that I also have a few precious minutes carved out for just me:  coffee and working out being the most important!!  This way, I know that no matter what is going on inside these 4 walls on any given day...I will have an hour in the morning to mentally prepare and 30 min to myself to run out all my stress in the afternoon until my amazing husband comes home from work to share a glass of wine with me on the front patio. 

Here's to an awesome 2012-2013 school year for everyone!!  

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Why We Decided to Also Homeschool Our Neuro-Typical Daughter

There is one reason and one reason only: 

Because I can

Now, of course, that is a loaded answer, but it is the truth at the core of our whole debate in regards to Caroline's 5th grade year.  After we unexpectedly pulled Jackson out of the public middle school's autism program last fall, we scrambled to put together an academic program to meet all his needs.  Thankfully, it was a tremendously smooth transition considering the circumstances.  Over the course of the following few months, I spent a lot of time continuing my research into middle grade academics and discovered a huge body of work on educational reform for this age group.  What I came across time and time again, as the only solution to our nation's growing educational crisis, was the call for more individualized education.

The concept of individualized education is very familiar to me for obvious reasons - autism education is based around the IEP (Individualized Education Plan), so I have seen first hand the power of this model.  However, I had never considered it to be necessary for Caroline, as she has always done quite well in school, so the need never crossed my mind.  But after stumbling across Sir Ken Robinson's talks on educational reform, "Are Schools Killing Creativity" and his follow-up message, "Bring on the Learning Revolution", I was hooked on the concept of rethinking Caroline's education as well.

At this point, I simply wanted to augment her public school education with some of these concepts.  I came up with projects and lessons that could be taught outside the classroom, with the hopes of stimulating her academic creativity in regards to her natural learning style and interests.  However, as many of you can attest, there are just not enough hours in the day to add that kind of endeavor onto an already super busy tween girl's packed schedule.  So I shelved my ideas for a latter, more convenient time.

Then, in January, Caroline approached us and asked to be home schooled.  We immediately said no and that was that.  She persisted, and even gave us an oral presentation with visual aids, outlining her case.  We told her we'd discuss it, pray about it and let her know.  Months went by and she never relented...and for those of you with negotiators in your family, you can guess that she never gave up hope, and continued her campaign to be home schooled.

Sometime in April, Paul and I began to seriously discuss her options for 5th grade.  She could go back to her current elementary school, which we loved and had absolutely no issues with or she could go to another area public school where she was accepted into the county-wide gifted program, but we are not big supporters of separate gifted education, so that seemed off the table easily.  We considered private schools, but at this age, the financial investment seemed silly because her public educational options we so strong.

So unlike Jackson, the idea of homeschooling came about not so much as an option against the public schools, but as an augmentation to them.  We decided, after much prayer, to pull Caroline out of school, for 1 year, and 1 year only, to invest in her individualized education.  All the necessary pieces to the puzzle aligned since I was already home with Jackson, and I have the time, experience and interest in exploring her learning needs and potential...or simply put, because I can.  God has blessed our lives with the right season for all these moving parts to fall into place, so we felt called to move forward with our decision to homeschool both our children.

On top of that, Caroline is just a really neat kid with so many interests and abilities that every teacher, coach or trainer she has ever had has enjoyed her so much!  She is a veritable sponge who can learn so rapidly and efficiently, that the boundaries to her capability are forever being stretched. And if I'm honest with myself, I simply want to be a part of that too.  I want to foster her intellectual growth just as much as Paul fosters her athletic growth.  I want to watch her brain move swiftly from one concept to the other making connections and discoveries that only strangers got to witness before.  She is God's gift to me and I want to take this small window of opportunity to be a part of her learning journey before she jumps back into the chaos of adolescence.

And I hope and pray that the bond we build over the next year can help keep us close during the tumultuous teenage years that already have me shaking in my boots!!!

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Sibling Respite - Even Caroline Needs a Break!

Respite is a popular term in the special needs community. To quote Jill's House, the premiere respite center on the east coast, the term means the provision of "a safe haven to which parents can entrust their children, allowing the parents a time of rest."  I would add that siblings require respite just as much as parents do, and often times more, if they are a heavily relied upon resource or care giver to their special needs brother or sister.  

That is why, even though it broke our hearts, we sent our 10 yr old daughter, Caroline to an 8 day sleep over camp called Summer's Best 2 Weeks. She is an integral part of our family and not having her here has been hard.  We find ourselves a little lonely and bored.  Even Jackson has been out of sorts all week, and while not able to communicate exactly what he is feeling, his behavior is speaking loud and clear that something is amiss.  


Caroline puts a tremendous amount of pressure on herself to be a good sister.  She still cries when recalling the time she pushed J off the bed when she was 2 yrs old and broke his arm. She is his biggest advocate and number one fan.  She has spent the first 10 yrs of her life sticking up for him on the playground, calling out bully after bully, standing up to them in front of the whole school, only to reveal how powerless they are to true bravery...to that of a sister.  


As a result of 10 years of constant confrontation with people who have shunned Jackson or given him a judgmental glance, she has developed a bit of a chip on her shoulder.  She lives as if she constantly has something to prove.  And while this attitude has served her well on the basketball court, it has exhausted her emotionally as well.  She seeks to protect and care for not just Jackson, but me as well, as she knows how upset I get when people discriminate against him and all special needs individuals...which happens more often than our society cares to admit.  

And while she has been involved with a few sibling support groups, those do not provide her with what true respite should, A BREAK!  She does not want to talk about her feeling and the pressures of having an autistic brother, she wants to escape and play so hard that she crashes on her bed without thinking about Jackson all day! She needs a solid week to be Caroline and not a sister.  She needs time to explore her interests and beliefs outside how they effect Jackson and our family dynamic.  If she wants to sing at the top of her lungs, she does not have to worry about him shushing her.  If she wants to play soccer in the dark with fireflies, she does not have to worry about waking him up because he goes to bed so early.  


Respite is essential for parents with special needs children.  It must also be considered essential for siblings.  I know a lot of families who have children with all sorts of disabilities and in each one is an incredible brother or sister who selflessly helps to raise and care for these children.  Many of the most remarkable adults I know grew up with special needs siblings.  There is no circumstance so profound in a developing child's life than that of caregiver to a differently-abled loved one, but there is also none so taxing.  I hope and pray that we can continue to provide Caroline with more true respite opportunities as she grows up so that she is able to maintain that fierce attitude of protection and love that she has for Jackson.  

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