Quiet Voice Victory!

It has taken us 10 years to figure out how to help Jackson manage his volume and tone of voice.  We were just joking the other day that an autism diagnosis is not an accurate representation of him (for many reasons I'll go into on a later date), so we made up a more humorous, but fitting term: LASS...Loud, Angry, Silly Syndrome. 

But in all seriousness, this spring, we have made a few breakthroughs in regards to helping him understand how and when to use a quiet and calm voice.  Sadly, it is a fairly simple formula that has proven extremely challenging, on our part, to implement. But, as they say, knowing is half the battle, so now that we know, we can continue the battle! The 3 key parts to this formula are:

1.  Creating an anxiety free environment
2.  Leveraging his newly developed interest in a social life
3.  Consistency!!!!!

Step 1 is by far the most important part of this grand plan, and the reason he was so unsuccessful in a public middle-school environment - which I now understand is one of the most stressful environments on the planet for all kids, not just for special needs ones.

Jackson has a tremendous amount of anxiety.  His adrenal glands do not work properly, so his "fight or flight" response is terribly out of whack.  His pupils dilate very quickly when any stressor is encountered and remain that way for a prolonged period of time, indicating a highly anxious biochemical state far past what we would consider appropriate.  Simply put, he freaks out early and often!

Creating an anxiety free environment is not as hard as you'd think.  We do not feel comfortable medicating Jackson, so anti-anxiety meds are out of the question.  So we do other things that seem to have a similar effect, such as:

*  daily morning yoga
*  daily morning devotions and prayer
*  high doses of B vitamins including lots of B-12
*  green tea
*  melatonin at nighttime
*  gluten and casein free diet
*  sugar free diet
*  toxic chemical free home
*  no yelling in our home
*  clear, written daily schedule
*  careful transition management

Some people might think it would just be easier to give him a Xanax and drop him back into stressful situations, but we are just not comfortable introducing a synthetic substance into his already neuro-chemically compromised brain.  Maybe someday, but not today. We also feel strongly that the above practices are going to help teach him, and Caroline, life-long stress management and not to rely on quick fixes.  Being able to manage his anxiety helps set the stage for us to tell him to "quiet down" without him lashing out at us verbally or physically.

Step 2 is the most recent puzzle piece to fall into place and has been the most eye-opening!  For more than a decade, Jackson has been totally uninterested in socializing with anyone outside our family.  He had only tolerated his peers and other adults, but in the last 12 months, he has blossomed into a social butterfly.  I noticed it last summer, and have spent the last year trying to figure out how to help him embrace this new side to his personality in an appropriate manner (i.e. no hugging everyone at Trader Joes, talking only to people who are not talking to others, etc...)

But in the last 6 weeks or so, I have discovered another benefit to this huge developmental milestone...leveraging his social life to get him to control himself.  At the end of the day, Jackson is a 13 year old boy.  He has finally realized that he likes other people and they are fun to hang out with...a lot more fun than school work or boring time at home. Using positive reinforcement or incentives had stopped working with him. Giving him access to the computer or iPad just wasn't cutting it anymore.  A giant light bulb went off in my head that what we have been using for his 10 yr old sister, would now work for him..."If you don't clean your room, Savannah can't come over."

Five minutes ago, I noticed Jackson's voice was getting really loud and angry sounding as he was watching a SpongeBob cartoon, so I went downstairs and told him in a calm voice, "You need to quiet down, or there will be no pool today."  And there has not a peep out of him since!  It has been such a big breakthrough because it is a developmentally appropriate consequence for a 13 yr old boy.  The addition of the social component has opened up so many new doors for him as well as for us as his parents.  Now we can leverage his interest in all kinds of social situations such as church, shopping, yoga class, adaptive PE, pool, basketball games, friend visits, swim meets, etc... Just like his sister, he can now find the ability to control himself if the possibility of losing social time is an option.

Step 3 is the most difficult component because it is 100% our responsibility, not Jackson's.  We need to be super consistent with the first 2 steps in order to pull this whole caper off! If I revert back to yelling because I am frustrated, he will get more anxious and his tone will get more angry and take twice as long to calm down.  If I fail to follow through on taking away a morning at Caroline's basketball game (even though every fiber in my body wants to go), I have to stay home with him.  Over the years, we have ebbed and flowed in our consistency with him because nothing seemed to really work, so we'd give up quickly on the newest technique or behavioral fad.  Now it seems obvious that the failure was ours, not Jackson's and that consistency is more important, more difficult and more humbling because it is our burden to bear, not his.

Real Life Update - Thursday, May 31st:


This morning at Target, Jackson had a colossal freak out over a bottle of water that we could not reach on the top shelf.  He threw himself on the floor (all 5'4" 100lbs of him) and began shouting and kicking the wall.

I took a deep breath, drawing on all of my patience and understanding of the need for consistency and held out my hand to him and said, "Can you stand up please?"  He took my hand and as he stood up, he spit in my face and put his hands around my neck.  I took another deep breath and gently moved his hands from my neck to around my waist and pulled him close saying, "You're Ok, Buddy."  He put his head on my shoulder and squeezed me pretty hard.  I whispered in his ear, "Do you want to go to gym class today with Mr. Ricardo?".  He whimpered, "Yes, please."  I asked, "Do you want to check out now?", and I got another "Yes, please."  So I handed him my debit card, which is a good concrete transition object that helps him know when shopping is done.  After a few moments to collect himself, we quietly and calmly proceeded to checkout and head back to the car without any issues. Once we got in the car, I turned to him and we talked about what had happened and why it was wrong.

I share this now because I think it is a good way to illustrate the points I made in the post earlier about the importance of all 3 steps.  Although everything in me wanted to yell at him to "get the hell up off the floor and stop acting like a baby", I knew that would generate 100 times more anxiety in him and the whole situation would blow up even further...and really, yelling something like that at a kid in public is more for the parent to let off steam or to try and look in control to the myriad of smug observers who've gathered to watch your parenting failures.  So I stayed calm and that peaceful spirit helped to defuse him as well.

I also did not give into my urge to threaten to take away all his activities for the rest of the day - "you get up now or there will be no computer, library, pool, etc"... I quickly picked the social engagement I knew meant to most to him and placed the choice in his hands.  He responded like I had hoped and chose gym class over anger.

Situations like this always remind me that Jackson's flash temper is a lot like an addiction.  You can see how the instant a high anxiety situation presents itself, he reaches right for the aggresssion fix much like someone would reach for a cigarette or a drink to calm their nerves.  It makes sense biochemically because Jackson has the same elevated levels of dopamine found in addicts.  My goal is to help him master the tools to resist this self-destructive habit as he grows into adulthood before my very eyes.

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6 Month Anniversary!!

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of Jackson's homeschooling adventure!  We began on Friday, October 27th, 2011.  It didn't hit me until I was reviewing his math work from this morning, saw the date, and then realized how advanced his work has become in such a short period of time.  When we first began homeschooling, he could not add or subtract double digits, did not know all his multiplication facts and forget about division or fractions.  He was just telling time, counting money and doing basic computation. But this morning, he was doing all kinds of complicated math, with zero help.  I wasn't even in the room!  Not only has his skill level increased, but his independence and confidence has skyrocketed as well.

Morning Math Work from 10-27 and 4-27... 2 grade levels difference

Here are some other updates on how far he has come in just 6 months:

Getting Ready

Then:  I would have to help him shower, get dressed, brush his teeth, put on his deodorant.  We had a list and followed it faithfully so he understood good personal grooming habits.

Now:  At 8:45 on the dot, he disappears down the hall, does all of the above by himself, reappears at 9:00 totally clean and ready for yoga!  Unbelievable change from 6 months ago - life changing for the both of us.

Yoga

Then:  Very slow and deliberate movements that he could follow easily so he would not lose focus or get too silly.  http://homeschoolingautism.blogspot.com/2011/12/yoga-autism-natural-calm.html

Now:  He leads our practice every morning for 20 full minutes and we add new things weekly - this week was a headstand! We also go to an hour long class at a studio in Alexandria with other homeschooled teenagers with special needs.


Morning Work

Then:  Handwriting sheet, simple math and language arts sheet, outloud reading of Lyle or Big Nate (picture book and comic book level) at the dining room table http://homeschoolingautism.blogspot.com/2011/11/daily-schedule.html

Now:  10 minute Bible reading & devotional time with prayer followed by 20 minutes of outloud chapter book reading (Fantastic Mr. Fox and Frindle recently) - all on the comfy couch instead of at the table.

Shopping / CBI

Then:  We ran errands or visited local attractions every morning, but he needed his iPod to help him stay focused and calm while we were out and about.  http://homeschoolingautism.blogspot.com/2011/11/freedom-from-four-white-walls.html

Now:  At 10:00, he jumps in the car, iPod free and raring to go out and see his friends around town...Yasouke and Marcus at Trader Joes, Saba at Harris Teeter and the gang at Starbucks are always psyched to see him!

Language Arts

Then:  Basic, basic, basic reading and writing.  He was relatively combative regarding his work and struggled in so many areas.  It was clear that he hated all things language arts and we muddled through most of our lessons.  There were some big breakthrough along the way, which helped keeps us both encouraged.  http://homeschoolingautism.blogspot.com/2011/12/unexpected-reading-breakthroughs.html

Now:  We begin each language arts block working on reading stamina in the form of audio books...this has been a great way to help him transition into harder work.  He is currently reading Harry Potter and the Socerer's Stone.  Once he is in the reading zone, we move to 3rd grade level comprehension level work which he can now do without much trouble.  His spelling continues to be amazing and he even enjoys his daily handwriting practice.


I am so proud of how far he has come in the last 6 months!  He has overcome a lot of obstacles and challenges that many thought were insurmountable! He exudes self-confidence and genuine happiness that is contagious to all those around him.

I am excited to see what the next 6 months bring and can't wait to watch him grow into the man that God has planned!

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Video: Introducing New Math Concepts

The following is a 11 minute video of a math lesson from Wednesday, April 18th.  I decided to record our lesson, so I cold go back and learn how Jackson responded to the way I introduced a new and challenging math concept to him - double digit multiplication. This is unedited, and comprises our entire lesson for this material.  If you scroll below the video, you will see I've made a few notes that correspond with the time stamp on the screen, as well as my big take-away from teaching him this lesson.

0:10   When introducing new concepts, I try to make the lesson short.  Here I clearly state that he only has to do 3 pages.  That helps him to not be anxious if the work is too hard at first.

0:24   After fumbling over how to explain step #1, he sees how I am writing the problem and offers his own term, "multiply down"...I quickly jump on that phrase because he came up with it and that seems to help him absorb new information better - ownership is important.

1:50   After he incorrectly says 7x7=14, I do not say, "No" or "That's wrong." He hates to get anything incorrect and often gets angry if he does. So, I simply remain silent or repeat the question which is his cue that there is a different answer.  An obvious way to avoid a meltdown that takes nothing away from the work.

2:06   He chits chats a lot during the lesson, which is his way of telling me that he is concentrating on something difficult.  He is like a tea kettle that needs to let off a lit steam so it doesn't blow.  Jibber jabber is his steam and it helps him focus - no shushing from me!!

2:31-3:10   Just like his language, he learns a lot of academic skills through mimicking. So here, I offer him the same white board, marker and racer I am using.  This helps him transfer the skill from me to him.

4:00   Excuse the nose picking:)

4:14 - 4:41   Took me 30 sec. to realize that he wanted to order that work differently than I was asking - he wanted to round all the problems first, then go back and solve.  It is important for me to give him the time and ability to tell me how he wants to approach a problem, not let my preconceived notions dictate his mind's eye.

6:05   He speaks so literally that his answers come out backwards sounding, "zero-twelve", because he is saying the numbers in the order that he solves them...ones place then tens, hundreds and so on...So i need to keep an eye on what he is writing to make sure he is getting the correct answer.

7:47   This is the beginning of the transition between me leading him through the process to him taking control over his own work.  I start by asking him if he still wants me to write the problems.  He is capable of telling me how much assistance he needs and when he is comfortable enough to do the work independently.

8:30   After only 8 minutes, he is ready to do the problems by himself.

9:38   Even though he is doing the work independently, he still needs a lot of positive feedback and reinforcement of correct answers.

10:15   And he even claps for himself after a hard problem because, at the end of the day, isn't that what we all want to do when we've done something hard and we've done it well!!

So my big lesson-learned from re-watching this video a few times is that J learns academic skills exactly like he learns social, linguistic, emotional, physical or behavior skills...by modeling and repetition, with a careful and deliberate transition to ownership and independence.  He's not complicated, just a bit more labor intensive than some kids...but I think a heck of a lot more fun!!!

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Wordless Wednesday

My Biggest Fear

Every Friday, Jackson asks to drive through a quiet little neighborhood near our house. So on the way home from our daily errands, I indulge this inexplicable whim of his, and turn into Sleepy Hollow Woods and slowly drive around the hilly streets that make a nice loop back to the main road.  It takes all of 5 minutes, but it gives him so much pleasure, that I never mind our weekly detour.

This morning, however, my heart was heavy with worry.  I have not been feeling well lately and have become consumed with fear that it is more than just a seasonal bug or a passing inconvenience.  As the mother of an autistic child, my biggest fear is dying young and leaving him alone in this often cruel and harsh world that does not seem to be getting any better in terms of special needs care and acceptance.  Paul and I both struggle with this issue, as all parents of autism do.  It is rarely talked about, since the day to day issues can be so overwhelming...so we push this fear deep, deep down, where is will never come back again...or so we hope.

As a generally healthy person, I am not used to feeling prolonged periods of pain or discomfort.  At the risk of over-sharing (which I'm pretty sure I blew by months ago on this blog), I have not taken anything stronger than an Advil in 15 years when I was on birth control for all of 6 months.  I eat well, take tons of vitamins, exercise and manage my stress well.  So, now as I creep closer and closer to 40, and my body no longer snaps back like it used to, I am finding my self worrying about my health like I never have in the past.  Does every lump, bump, creek and crack mean I have cancer? And while I know these thoughts are ridiculous, having a special needs child seems to magnify my worry beyond rational bounds.

So on our leisurely car ride this morning, as I was lamenting what I know are just the natural and normal ailments that come with getting older, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before and it was as if God was speaking directly to me.  I even pulled over to Shazam it so I could download it and look up the lyrics later.  It is called "Wait and See" by Brandon Heath. Here is the part of the song that provided me the exact encouragement I needed at the exact moment that I needed it:

There is hope for me yet,

Because God won't forget,

All the plans He has for me.

I'll have to wait and see.

He's not finished with me yet. 

So whether I have 5 years or 50 years left on this planet, I know God has plans for me and I know that I can not change those plans, nor do I want to.  I trust that my life has been predestined and preordained to follow a unique and special path that is just for me and I am choosing to have a grateful and thankful attitude.  I also know that Jackson can claim this promise to and I can rest easy knowing that his life is being guided by God and not dependent on me or my ability to take care of him.  

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

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Impact of Nutrition and Healthy Living

Three months after Jackson was diagnosed with autism in October of 2001, I took him to a pediatric developmental specialist who recommended a biomedical treatment program that included dietary changes and nutritional supplementation.  It has been exactly 10 years since we started these treatments, and they have had a profound effect on his health and development.  I strongly recommend biomedical interventions for any and all health issues and have personally seen dramatic improvements in people of all ages.  Each member of my family has their own personalized dietary and nutritional programs based on our unique health needs and it has been transformational in all areas of our life. 


I have asked a longtime friend of mine to write this weeks blog on her personal experiences with the impact of these programs in her life.  As a disclaimer, I do not use any of the products she is discussing nor am I endorsing any particular program.  But I do love and admire her passion and ability to communicate her story!


Written by Shauna Sheets, mother of three and Ariix independent representative. Shauna works with Ray Strand, MD in Rapid City, SD promoting his Healthy for Life program and Health Concepts International website. 


The women in my family have always struggled with carb addictions. Of course I didn’t call it that, or even know that’s what it was, but recently I learned otherwise. Like so many people today, I have settled on the fact that I will always be the size of the average woman – better stated, the size of Marilyn Monroe. After having three kids, my best dieting efforts have ended with 10-15 pounds lost, pounds that slowly creep back over a year. So, when I had the chance to meet author and international speaker, Dr. Ray Strand, at a recent “Healthy For Life” seminar, I was the first to sign up!

I became a fan of Dr. Strands after reading his book, What Your Doctor doesn’t Know About Nutritional Medicine May Be Killing You. That book changed how my husband and I looked at health and nutrition, and I believe has set our family on a nutritionally strong path. However, I had not yet read his book, Healthy For Life, which focuses on the obesity epidemic and type-2 diabetes.

In the 1990s, Dr. Strand began to notice that his patients were struggling with unavoidable weight gain. He also noticed some patients who were not overweight, but had high triglycerides and low HDL (good) cholesterol. What he learned and ultimately published in his book deals with the Glycemic Index. The concept is simple really, but understanding the impact on our health and more importantly our children’s health is critical! This is what Dr. Strand taught at his recent Healthy For Life Seminar and what Allison Trotter has asked me to share with you.

My first “take-away” from the seminar was no more instant oatmeal for breakfast! The second, and probably more important point is: I can no longer blame the metabolism I "inherited” for my Marilyn Monroe figure!

Why no more oatmeal? I always thought I was choosing something better than cereal by choosing this in the morning; but the truth is that both foods are high glycemic! Maybe this isn’t new information for many of you, but to me it caused me to question every “healthy” food I eat and wonder where it lies on this infamous index. For me, my carb addiction just looked like hunger. I would eat oatmeal for breakfast and by 10 or 11am be starved! Stomach growling-low blood sugar-headache-starved. Therefore, I would eat a sandwich (with high glycemic bread) and once again, 4pm: starved! I learned that the glycemic index is far more inportant than simple and complex carbs or the FDA’s food pyramid.

The glycemic index and glycemic load measures how fast and how high a food spikes our blood sugar: the higher it goes, the lower it will crash a few minutes later. This occurs over and over until one becomes resistant to insulin (the hormone that regulates carbohydrates and fat in the body by pulling the glucose from the blood.) Once a person becomes resistant, and this is the key to Dr. Strand’s study, a calorie is no longer just a calorie. The simple math of working off more calories than you eat to lose weight doesn’t add up any more. And that is how “suddenly” we get a belly! AKA: a muffin top. What’s worse (and maybe of more interest to the mom’s reading this article) is that statistically 1/3 of all children born after 2000 will develop type-2 diabetes due to this insulin resistance epidemic.


Dr. Strand’s Healthy For Life Program is a triad approach, which includes a low glycemic diet, moderate exercise, and nutritional supplementation at optimal levels. I won’t go into great detail of his program, but here is an overview:

Low Glycemic Diet: This isn’t overwhelming, unrealistic or really all that difficult. He breaks it up into 2 phases and it includes the use of meal replacements, low glycemic meals and snacks, and journaling.

Moderate Exercise: Not a marathon. Simply walk briskly for 30 minutes, 3-5 days per week. What better time to start than in the Spring!

Nutritional Supplementation: The FDAs recommended values for vitamins and minerals were not meant for preventing or reversing major health issues. Rather, they were created to be the minimum necessary to avoid scurvy (and the like)! To see actual health benefits you must supplement at what Dr. Strand calls optimal levels. Dr. Strand has strong requirements from nutritional health companies to recommend their supplements to his patients. You can read his article on “Choosing High Quality Nutritional Supplements” here.

Combined, this triad approach to healthy living has been clinically proven to reverse diabetes, reduce triglycerides, increase good cholesterol (HDL), and as a side effect, release fat resulting in weight loss! But as I mentioned above, you don’t have to be overweight to have insulin resistance. Even thin people can have insulin resistance (also known as a silent killer.) To find out if you might have insulin resistance or for more information on nutritional and preventative medicine, email me, and I will send you additional information.

I want to thank @homeschoolingautism mom, Allison Trotter, for inviting me to write for her this week. To learn more about Dr. Strand, his Health Concepts, and Healthy for Life Program, go to www.healthconceptsint.com. For a free 30 day FREE trial of his program, use coupon code SS2012HCI.

How I "Do It"

I have been asked a lot lately, in reference to homeschooling Jackson, "How do you do it?" Usually, I just shrug and say, "I don't know. I just do it."  But I got to thinking about that question and had a bit of an epiphany as a result.

Homeschooling is not common where I live. People in the Falls Church area of Fairfax County, Virginia take a lot of pride in how great the public school system is here in the suburbs of Washington, D.C.  Most families, in my immediate community of Sleepy Hollow, are run by parents who both have college degrees and often advanced education as well.  Homeschooling is just not considered necessary or even practical.  I wouldn't say it is frowned upon, just not given much thought as a desirable alternative.

To add to that, families from all of the world move to this area to get public educational services for their special needs children because of the high quality and diversity of offerings.  It really is an amazing educational area that deserves a tremendous amount of praise and admiration.

It just wasn't the right fit for Jackson. 

So I homeschool because I have to.  I do it because I need to, and I do it because everyone else failed, and I refuse to fail Jackson.  But that does not explain how I can do it with so much energy and optimism, with so much joy and enthusiasm...with so much genuine happiness.

Here is a great blog entitled, "Dear School Personnel, Community Members, Teacher, Parents and Neighbors, by Marianne Russo, a well known and respected voice in the autism community.  She speaks to the heart of the special needs mother who feels "overwhelmed, confused, heart broken and struggling to unravel the complexities before her."  It is a plea to not judge or persecute her or her child but to extend compassion and understanding.  It is a heart-wrenching a totally honest look inside the spirit of many special needs mothers...

It is just not how I feel.  I am not overwhelmed or confused.  I am not heartbroken or angry.  I am not tired or frustrated.  

Lon Solomon, the pastor of McLean Bible Church, said on Saturday night, "Do not tell me what an omnipotent God can do!" And that statement perfectly reflects how I feel about how I have the energy and passion to homeschool an autistic teenager.  Do not tell me how tired I am supposed to be or how frazzled he is supposed to make me...because I am not.  Homeschooling Jackson has given me a renewed spirit and vigor that I haven't felt in a while.  He energizes me and motivates me to be a better mother, teacher, friend, and person.

Paul and I, for all our sarcasm and rigid emotional exteriors, are both eternal optimists!  We believe that anything is possible, and honestly think that we can overcome any challenge or obstacle in our way.  We are mini bulldozers and refuse to be derailed from whatever path we feel God has led us on.  Some people might call us foolish or reckless. Many friends and family have questioned our various decisions over the past 15 years, but we move forward with a confidence and hope that is hard to explain but easy to see in our everyday lives.

Homeschooling Jackson is just one of many outrageous things the Lord has called us to do and we know there are many more crazy things on the horizon for the Trotter family and hope we can have the same unashamed optimism for them as well!

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

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13 Years Ago Today

It is Saturday, March 10th 2012 and 13 years ago today, I woke up to a very different life. Shockingly, I didn't drink coffee or wine.  I was organized and disciplined.  I was ideological and judgmental.  I had never heard of Osama Bin Laden, iPhones or autism.  If someone had told me what 2012 would be like, I would have laughed and said, "you left out the flying cars!"

March 10th, 1999  Kitzingen, Germany

I woke up at the crack of dawn because I hadn't been able to sleep in weeks.  I was 40 weeks pregnant and tired.  We lived in a tiny government issued, war-time apartment in a beautiful small town in northern Bavaria.   Paul's first assignment with the Army was in Germany and we were so young, but so wide-eyed and excited to be on this new adventure together. Although we had no family within 3000 miles, we had friends, many of whom have come to be our dearest in the world...Kathleen, Dan, Shauna & Stacey.

Jackson was born at 4:30pm and after deciding at the last minute to change his name from Caleb Robert to Jackson Paul, we took home a perfectly healthy and wonderful baby boy along with all of our hopes and dreams for him.

If you had asked me what I thought Jackson would be like on his 13th birthday, I would have laughed and said: big, loud, messy and smelly with an attitude.  I knew very little about 13 yr old boys and frankly could not imagine my sweet little baby boy as a teenager.

March 10th, 2012  Falls Church, Virginia

I woke up at the crack of dawn because I heard Jackson roaming around downstairs and didn't want him to wake up Paul who has been so tired lately and needs his sleep.  As I come out of my room, J strolls up to me, gives me the most genuine hug, kisses me on the cheek and says, "Good morning mom, I love you. Come this way", as he leads me downstairs to the coffee maker where he knows I gravitate this early in the morning.  He flops down on the couch, pulls the blanket up under his chin and watches the news while I wake myself up with some strong coffee and check my email.

Birthdays always lend themselves to reflection, and today is no different.  Thirteen is a big milestone for some, but for Jackson, it seems less significant.  Not because he has autism, but because his whole life has been significant and I have no new or higher expectations for him today that I did not have for him yesterday.  Today does not mark the beginning of his manhood, we are not going to send him out into the woods to kill a bear or teach him how to shave. Jackson's impact on the world is not determined by his age, but by his spirit...and God has blessed him with an incredible spirit that has changed countless lives already.

As I am sitting here, I realize that autism has not taken anything from him, it has rearranged some things, but underneath all the challenges, lies a big, loud, messy and smelly boy with an attitude...just as I envisioned all those years ago...I just got a different attitude than I expected:)

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Mom's Daily Homeschool Schedule!

A lot of people having been asking me lately how I manage to get everything done now that I am homeschooling Jackson.  I think those closest to me worry that I have taken on too much and it will negatively impact me on a variety of levels.

Prior to pulling him out of public school around Halloween, I was substitute teaching on a regular basis and/or part-time teaching reading, but did have plenty of free days as well.  Now that I have J home everyday, I have rearranged a few things, but have found a nice rhythm that seems to meet all our needs, without adding unnecessary stress. So please don't worry about me - I have the best life and find plenty of time to take care of myself:)

I thought I'd write up schedule for a typical day for me and give you a behind the scenes look at how I keep it all running relatively smoothly and keep my sanity as well.  I found this blog entitled "What Kind of Mom are You?" and it is awesome! I am definitely a "Rountine Lover" which puts me at a personality type of A-, which is a perfect description of how I run both my personal life and our homeschool day!

7:30-8:00  Drink 2 cups of coffee, let the dog out, eat some yogurt, check email, news, Facebook, Twitter, etc...

8:00-8:30  Get Caroline up (not an easy task), make her breakfast and pack her lunch, make Jackson breakfast

8:30-8:45  Drive C to school (usually in my PJs and slippers)

8:45-9  Help J shower.  While he gets himself dressed, I get my yoga clothes on

9-9:30  J and I do yoga together, then read a Bible devotional book and do some out loud reading (we are currently reading a poem book).

9:30-9:45  Quickly change out of my yoga clothes and try to look presentable for the day

9:45-11  Shopping w/ J...grocery shopping, cleaners, library, Target, CVS, Starbucks, car wash, etc...This gets easier everyday as he has more understanding of social expectations for behavior.  We usually have a great time just tooling around town! Once we get home, I have until 11 to unpack and organize anything we bought because at 11 on the dot...

11-11:30  We do a Math lesson & work

11:30-12   I make J's lunch which lately has been corn pasta and fruit and my lunch which is usually leftovers

12-12:30  While J is on the iPad, I prep his lessons for the afternoon and try to clean up from the whirlwind morning

12:30-1  J and I walk Duke, go for a short hike around the lake or play Wii Fit together

1-1:30  We do a Language Arts lesson & work

1:30-2  I teach J how to do daily chores which have included: filling and emptying the dishwasher, cleaning his room, vacuuming, sweeping, or picking up junk left strewn around the house.

2-2:30  We do a Social Studies or Science lesson & work

2:30-3  While J does an iPad reading lesson on the couch, I clean up the books, supplies and work from the school day and prep the lessons for the next morning

3-4  School day over!!  At this point I have 1 hour until C gets home, so I try to do NOTHING and just relax alone somewhere in the house.  I read a book, check the computer, watch TV, take a shower, workout, talk on the phone...whatever I want essentially:)

4-4:15  Pickup C from school

4:15-5  Hang out w/ C & help her w/ her homework

5-5:30  Paul gets home from work and we all get ready for whatever basketball event is going on that night: practice, games, Georgetown games, games on TV, etc...

5:30-6  Make snack or early dinner for Paul, C and I before they head out for basketball, make J dinner (special dietary needs)

6-7:30  Putter around house cleaning up, putting laundry away, doing dishes, etc...Occasionally workout if feeling motivated

7:30-8  Prep lessons for following day, answer emails, blog, tweet, etc... Paul and C usually come home during this time and heat up dinner leftovers if hungry

8  BEDTIME!!!  Paul handles these duties: vitamins, teeth, pray, and read while I finish cleaning up and then open a bottle of wine!

8-10:30  2 1/2 hours of blissfully uninterrupted time on the couch w/ Paul and no kids!  C comes downstairs occasionally to tell us something she deems urgent, but otherwise we just sit and talk, laugh, drink wine and relax from the day!

10:30-11ish  Bedtime...We can rarely stay up past 11 these days...but I sleep like a baby until...

7:30  Paul kisses me on the forehead when he leaves for work, and I roll out of bed to start the whole process over again...

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My New Teaching Style: Less Talky More Laughy

Math has always come easily to Jackson.  He is not a numbers genius or anything, in fact, I find it offensive that some people think all kids with autism have some weird super-math brain.  He is just a like any other kid with a normal aptitude for math, but since he struggles so profoundly with language-based subjects, he excels in math by comparison.

However, teaching math to Jackson has not always come easily.  Traditional classroom educators relay so heavily on verbal instruction that any student who struggles with audio-processing is going to get frustrated very easily.  I found this to be true with Jackson during our first month of homeschooling.

When we pulled him out of Poe Middle School, after 8 weeks of being there, he had done "zero academic work".  So I had to go all the way back to May of 2011 to get a sense of where to start with him.  I decided to start him at the beginning of 3rd grade math just to sort out his strengths and weaknesses.  I quickly discovered that his math skills were extremely unbalanced.  He accelerated in telling time, counting money and basic computation skills, but had no concept of greater than/less than, rounding, estimating, or measurement.  And while he could add, subtract and multiply well, he could not do any of them at an advanced level (i.e. regrouping or multiple digits).

I based his early math curriculum around a cool online resource by Education Creations called Morning Math.  These 1 page sheets provided me with a succinct overview of his skills.  I spent about 2 weeks evaluating him with these worksheets. During this time, I discovered that he was very resistant to me giving him math "lessons",  almost to the point where I could not say anything out loud for fear of getting a pencil thrown at my head.  He preferred to just do the work in silence and ask me questions as they arose.  He needed to be in control of the volume and tone of the educational experience.  This spoke to me of a deep sensory processing issue that was probably just seen as disobedience and defiance in the public school setting... "i.e. he is just being a pain in the a**" type observation by his teachers. This thought still makes me sick to my stomach just writing it down now...

At this point, I took a step back and tried to think about how I was going to teach him higher level math concepts without speaking out loud!  That's right, you read that correctly...I had to figure out how to teach without talking.  I guarantee no traditional university has an educational class on that!  But I knew that was THE roadblock preventing him from progressing and instead of trying to change his learning style, I needed to change my teaching style to meet his learning needs.

I tried using other methods geared towards the visual/kinesthetic learner, but those still relied heavily on the teacher's verbal cues.  And although Jackson's language skills are significantly delayed, he does not need a picture-card system to explain things.  He can read and communicate well enough that those are a bit patronizing from both his and my perspective.  So that left me at another dead end.

So I went to the only area I knew he responded to and that was humor.  He loves to laugh and he loves when people think he is funny. How in the world would I use that to teach him subtraction regrouping!?!  Well it all came together one afternoon when in December when Caroline suggested that I try using boxes to illustrate borrowing.  I wrote a problem on the white board and walked him through it, without talking, but just quietly drew boxes around the numbers that needed to be regrouped and for whatever reason, he thought that was hilarious...he kept talking about Spongebob's box and started to immediately draw his own boxes around the numbers and while he rambled on and on about Spongebob, he began to subtract quickly and accurately.  I just smiled and kept writing problems on the board and we walked through them together, him jibber-jabbering away and me laughing hysterically at his jokes.

And that is how in the last 2 months I have been able to bring Jackson all the way through 3rd grade math and into 4th early grade having learned such things as:

4 digit subtraction regrouping
Advanced addition
2 digit multiplication
Division up to 10
Addition & subtraction of fractions
Equivalent fractions
Greater/less than
Rounding & estimating




Notice I did not say that I taught him these subjects, because I have not. He has learned them through the slow and methodical building of skills by repetition and reinforcement with a non-stop string of jokes pouring out of his mouth.  I do not laugh at him, but have learned to appreciate his sense of humor and laugh with him so he feels understood and appreciated in a way I don't think he ever has before.  By creating an environment of acceptance and recognition, he has been able to absorb the information and process it in a way that fit his learning style - which I now call "Laughter-Processing".

To quote Jackson:

"Now that is funny, and I know funny." 

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